Everyone handles the twists and turns of life differently. When resolving conflict, people tend to fall under 4 categories: The Blamers, The Excuse Makers, The Waiting List , & The Initiators.
THE BLAMERS: “Its everyone else’s fault but my own”
The Blamers have this sense of entitlement. They look at rich people and bitterly say “Mm, they got lucky”, not realizing how hard they worked to get there. Instead of taking responsibility for the work that they have yet to do, they place blame on anything they can to justify that they would be happy and fulfilled if certain people and things hadn’t stood in their way…
“Its my teacher’s fault that I dropped out because they didn’t teach me what they were supposed to.”
“It’s my children’s fault that I didn’t go to college. If I didn’t have to raise them, I would’ve had time to better myself.”
“It’s my spouse’s fault that we’re broke because they don’t make enough money”.
“It’s my boss’ fault that I’m unhappy with my job because they never gave me the promotion I deserve.”
- It’s not your teacher’s fault that you willingly made the decision to give up and stop trying.
- If you weren’t finished developing your career and your life, why did you decide it to have unprotected sex and give life to actual human beings that you weren’t prepared to take care of? That was a CHOICE that you made.
- Are you going to continue to sit and watch your spouse struggling, or are you going to find a way to help. If one of you has to stay home with the kids, have you looked into starting an online business and taking control of the situation?
- If you’re unhappy with the work you’re doing and the people you’re working with, QUIT! Go start a business of your own where you’re your own boss and you call the shots.
You are where you are now because ultimately, you put yourself there.
THE EXCUSE MAKERS: “I can’t do that.” or “That’s out of my control.”
Ah….the excuse makers. For some strange reason, this group of people seem to think that they just simply aren’t equipped to do what they truly want with their lives.They seem to be fearful of what could possibly happen as a result of taking risks, so they shut down the idea all together by saying that they can’t or are unable. I know this is a bit cliche’, but you can absolutely do anything you put your mind to. My boyfriend and I were just talking about this the other day. His words were “Never say you can’t do something; either you don’t know how or you don’t want to”. I believe that is 100% true. After awhile, I get tired of hearing people (especially people I’m close to) say phrases like…
“I could never live in a big house. I don’t have that kind of money.”
“I can’t write this essay. It’s too hard.”
“I know our relationship is unhealthy, but I can’t break up with him/her, they’re all I have. Who else is ever going to love me?”
“I could never run my own business, that’s crazy.”
“I’ve always wanted to travel, but there’s no way I could actually make that happen for myself.”
Shut up, pick your head up, and make something happen.
- There are so many opportunities out there to make money. If your current job doesn’t offer the kind of pay needed to live in your dream home, find a job that does. You are not obligated to stay at that one specific job for the rest of your life. If you need more, go find more. If you can’t find it, create it for yourself and your family. Become an entrepreneur!
- You can’t write an essay? Let’s refer back to my boyfriend’s quote, “Either you don’t want to, or you don’t know how”. I know writing essays can suck sometimes, but you have to suck it up. If you know what you’re doing, then do it and get it out of the way. If you don’t know how, then learn. Don’t just sit there staring at a blank screen, ask for help getting started. I’m sure you know at least one person that could possibly help you.
- You CAN get out of an unhealthy relationship.There’s a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is great, I promise! Loneliness is the unhealthy and depressed version of being alone (I’ll explain this in a later post). But learn to love yourself and you won’t have to be fearful of no one loving you. Plus, if it’s unhealthy, I’m almost certain that it was never love in the first pace.
- Why wouldn’t you be able to run your own business? Just refer back to numbers 1 & 2.
- Traveling the word is an amazing opportunity! What’s holding you back? Children? Take them with you. Job security? Create a new one that you can do along the way. House/Apartment payments? Downsize & save some money for travel. Better yet, take on the idea of minimalism and that’ll solve over 50% of your problems right then and there!
THE WAITING LIST “If it’s meant to happen, it will.”
I call this one The Waiting List because these people are literally just waiting for the next chapter of their lives to start. They’re not doing anything to bring about change. They sit there and wait for everything to somehow magically fix itself. I don’t know how to explain this any better than by inserting a page from my favorite Dr. Seuss book, “Oh The Places You’ll Go”.
Couldn’t have said it better Dr. Seuss (RIP). This really is a powerful book. If you haven’t read it for whatever reason, I highly suggest picking it up in a store or even reading it online. It’s old, so I’m sure its everywhere.
THE INITIATORS “I will win. Not immediately, but definitely.”
My favorite group of people. The Initiators make things happen for themselves. They know what they want, make a plan to get it, then do whatever is necessary to make their dreams become a reality.
- They don’t blame the world for their mistakes.
- They don’t downplay their strengths or doubt their abilities.
- They don’t wait and wait and wait for someone else to fix a problem that they’ve gotten themselves into.
Of course, no one is perfect and our Initiators are no exception to that. But when they do make a mistake, they recover with grace and come back 10 times harder. They up-play their strengths and utilize their talents to get what they want. A true leader doesn’t take all the shortcuts, tear people down, or kiss everyone’s ass to get to the top. They climb to the top respectfully with their values in tact. They inspire others to persevere, despite the severity of one’s situation. When they don’t see a way out of a conflict, they make a way out. They don’t give up because they failed on their first try. They can fail 7 times consistently and come out victorious on that 8th try. They are persistent, determined, ambitious, and inspiring…
I don’t know about you and how you live your life, but I refuse to be a Blamer, Excuse Maker, or find a spot on someone else’s waiting list. I want to take the initiative to be in control of my life and my happiness. I want to be a leader, so that is what I will be.
…Which will you choose?